I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
