I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
