I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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