So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
