we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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