Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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