I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
