Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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