I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
