Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
