still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
