I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
