WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
