Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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