That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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