the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
