Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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