I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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