I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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