Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
