I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
