Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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