You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
