Swine flu. Run for my life!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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