Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize