They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You pole danced in your parka.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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