I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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