just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
