Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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