Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
