Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
