I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize