We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
