Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
