The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
