your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
