There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
