I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
