i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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