Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
