Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
