OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
