i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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