Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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