I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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