You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize