Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my being single is dangerous.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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