Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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