Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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