i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
