I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize