Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
