Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
