i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
