My room smells like vodka and shame
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
