If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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