watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
