I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize