I think I won the penis lottery.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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