I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
