careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
