Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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