So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
