Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
