We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
