Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
