apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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