Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize