FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Houston, we have a squirter
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
