Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
